You’re A Tough Cookie

Part of moving forward is acknowledging the truth. Saying it and Sending it to where it belongs, rather to Whom it belongs to. I’ve wanted to write this for a long time because it was so heavy on my heart. Not a day went by I didn’t think of it. So, here goes:

I Understand the turmoil you went through in every aspect. It was never easy on you. Actually, it probably was a nightmare being torn in all directions with every relationship. Making decisions that went against every fiber of your soul. Knowing someone was going to get hurt. Knowing things would drastically change. Seeing people broken, evil, good, bad, and ugly. You may have wondered how you found yourself in this situation. You may have contemplated not doing this anymore. It wasn’t what you thought it would be. Wanted a new job and career. You thought walking into it was going to be smoother than you thought…then reality hit. How many sleepless nights did you endure? How many times did you go without eating? Along the way, it broke you inside. I’ve seen it all day long through your eyes and didn’t speak of it. Remember, I observe well. Not once did I ever deny you suffered too. I knew what you were going through was equally difficult. Things you had to do was unimaginable. In the end, you did what you thought was best. Life handed you a blessing on a platter through a tough life experience. You grew from it and you should know that I know…

I admire you through it all…

Advertisements

The Dirt Road

Walking down a dirt road

The debris

Fixated on me

Taking control of my destiny

Clouding my path

Sooting my will

…One day it sunk in

That I sent this invitation…!

Oh! that little dirt road

Oh! that little dirt road

Such a hold you had

Thought I was thriving

Thought I was suited in iron clad

I was wrong, never right

Not realizing I lost my sight

With that I penned a new invitation

Addressed to the paved road straight ahead

Enclosed with a map

To retard a relapse

P.S. I will be walking the freshly painted center line

P.S.S. For the good and love my heart will be inclined

 

 

 

 

A Disposition In Need Of Disposing

I have a disposition that boldly affects my life. It feels like I live in the path of a tornado. Never knowing when its going to hit or the damage it will cause. The disposition is similar to ‘what can go wrong, it will.’ Mine is curved a little different than that. I feel as ‘if there is something I thoroughly want, I won’t get it. I will call it Dawn’s law, unlike the first one in which Murphy’s law is penned. This causes me anxiety and then switches to depressed feelings.

People tell me it’s the lack of faith and this is how my disposition has grown. I don’t lack faith or understanding the depth of Jehovah’s power. What I do lack is living my life in accordance with His will. He knows I am trying but I still have work to do. He helps those who are taking steps to live the way we were meant to. I have faith that He will help me when he deems necessary. Lack of knowing if He will ‘deem necessary’ is my problem! Love and wisdom are two of His greatest qualities. And I trust both. It’s the minor things in my life that makes the difference right now. The small things encourage me to chase the bigger things. I know this standard feeling of mine is a result of losing things in my life and being turned down on the things I desire. It’s a treacherous way to believe you won’t get something before you even get an answer!

To rearrange my thoughts is an upward battle for me. The thoughts will not go away probably for sometime. Meanwhile, I have to find a path to redirect my thinking until I am blessed to live the life I want to. I am sure not to ask for things that are out of reach or beyond the things that are healthy for me. My life doesn’t need to be elaborate or filled with a showy display of material things. Food, shelter, and means of supporting myself…and quietness to sleep.

I hope I have a favorable answer tomorrow. But, to worry about it today is the contention between my heart and mind. Only to be able to stop this for once and all time would lead to a peaceful existence. So, I pray…

 

The Worry-Wart

Be compassionate to the worry-warts of the world. They are use to losing people and things. They look at situations in a different light. Their first thoughts are ‘what will go wrong’ instead of feeling excitement of what comes next. Fear is always at the threshold for them. They’re not negative people!! Most of them fight against these feelings. Too many times they believed in something only to be let down. This is not a one time occurrence because we all have been let down. This has happened continually through years. The knowing that something can be taken from them is frightening. Losing people you love reminds them how fragile life is, and in return they become fragile. Feelings like this are authentic for worry-warts. Say something like…”You will be fine. If it doesn’t work out there are other things out there to do. Life is full of possibilities.” Point out to them people who have undergone the transformation of worry-wart to an optimistic person. Please please don’t tell them to stop worrying. Instead let them know ‘girl I got you.’ This will counteract the abandonment they feel. Comfort will help put situations into perspective. Don’t say they lost hope. It’s not even that. Don’t say its an emotional/mental problem.                                                                                                                                                      “Its a NATURAL response of what they’ve been through”

Next time you spend time with a worry-wart understand this; their feelings are above average in strength. It’s as real to them as the trees in front of their house. Be careful with your words. The ugly face of worry has sickened them enough, show them compassion and maybe, just maybe they will see their future can be beautifully written.

I’m a witness…

 

The True Story

The true story is there is no true story; just different sides. It depends on what side you have experienced. For some, they experience all sides – like me. My capacity for understanding runs deep. My outlook is not black and white anymore, there are shades of grey in most matters. It’s hard for me to judge and form an opinion because I know people are full colors even when things go wrong. I know that’s why I feel strongly in God because He is the perfect judge. I cannot judge with righteousness because I am unrighteous…

For a long time I felt things should go this way or that way. My mind was set on one path and one path only. As a society we praise the one who has fallen and had the strength to get up. We do this because we are made in Jehovah’s image. We have the ability to forgive and help those who have went down the wrong way. It sends a message of hope and love. We have that innate desire to see people triumph. Whether you’ve overcame a lifestyle or lived through disasters and come out standing; you’re looked at as a warrior or a person who exhibits determination and strength. My heart always leans towards the underdog. As in some cases, a person may not be able to help what has happened to them. Such as diseases, birth defects, or born into families with an immoral upbringing. In more cases, the choices we’ve made are the reason many have fallen. Don’t get me wrong; I am rooting for the people who change their life! I love to see people make a come back!  But, what about those who were strong enough to not fall prey to fleshly desires and greed from the beginning?

There are plenty of people who’ve stood by their values when everyone else wasn’t. Their strength is equivalent to the ones who chose poorly and overcame. What about their stories? They faced similar challenges as anyone else. But, they chose to not go down a darken path. I’m sure they felt like trying a drug or doing something sketchy that would make their life easier and have a nicer car or house. The challenge to be moral and honest is unprecedented in this world. Getting smashed on the weekends is acceptable…even laughable. People’s conscious is dulled and swept under the rug. What about the people who fought to keep their principles in the midst of temptation?  Ones who said, “no matter what I will not do these things”  and never did! They are warriors likewise. Their life wasn’t full of gum drops and lollipops. They faced adversity and heartache, also. And in no way did these people have it easier. They simply didn’t make things worse. Let the young people hear their side. Unfortunately, social media glamorizes wickedness  and that needs to change. They need to know that you don’t need to do something wrong to learn a lesson. You can learn lessons by living and experiencing bumps and road blocks without being knee deep in trouble.

Then there are people who’ve been both…

Close The Chapter

You see, I’m tired of being hurt

I’ve already paid the price

I want happiness

Even if it’s just a slice

If you need to walk out

There’s the door

I won’t cry

I won’t even shout

Doing the right thing is what I sought

Love God, pray, and have faith

This is what my momma taught

My heart has been shredded too many times

Made me feel I wasn’t enough

Just remember my rhymes…

I’ve been used

Accused

Abused

Left with nothing but tears in my hands

I’m not going to float invain

Making somethin’ meaningful

Through the shine or rain

I revolt against the theory

Many have imposed

That I don’t matter

Taking my love to shatter

My feelings never existing

My kindness resisting

I throw in the towel with people like this

I close the chapter

To the part they missed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never The Drink

I prayed to God in grief and said it was the drink that did this. And at that moment a feeling came over me, urging me to re-think on what I said. In silence, I found my answer.

It was as if God was saying;

“Child, it wasn’t the drink. It was the things you hide. The fear that resides. A measure of your sensitivity which caused you to indulge in nonsense activity. You see child, don’t change the person you are. Simply, advert the pain and be a shining star. My love is to take the wheel and give you room to feel. You and I know the days I speak of, after all. I didn’t bring you out just to see you fall. Your contemporaries didn’t hold my existence in their heart, but you my child whispered my name from the start. I inclined my ears to your cries and with that I exposed their lies. I believe in you now, I believed in you then. With this, I will help you begin. There are natural parts of your shyness, silly laughter, fears of all kinds, and emotionally attachment to people that you strive to control…let Me have those parts and your strengths and MOLD you into the person I know.”

True story,I “sensed” this! It was never the drink…

My Gift

I was sent a gift

Through the means of a man

Made his way through the thorns and rift

He covered my wound with words

Showed me a queen within

Colliding with the light

And not sin

His persona was one of compassion

Mending my heart

Influencing me down a fresh direction

My will changed

My old thinking impeded

My emotions stabilized

And my self worth sparkling like a diamond

His gift did what I thought was impossible

He showed me the way to love myself

He knew my darkness ignited my torch

Never gave up on me

Made sure my flicker was never scorched

Only if he knew the impact

The way I feel for him is a fact

He allowed me to flourish

By being still

With his daunting smile

My self esteem commenced to fill

Patience is a virtue

To be exercised for a long while

He walked into my life with nothing but love

My Gift

Shall you fly like the doves

I want him to myself

If it can’t be

My love is strong enough

To set him free

Remember me, My Gift

You changed me…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Commodity

I wish to share with you

A commodity I’ve learned

Just one, maybe two

That dream you dream?

Good as it may seem

Will pull you into something unexpected

This will change your perspective

What we conceive as truth

Has a way of being uncouth

It will tear the heart strings

Please don’t waver!

Strength it’ll bring!

It teaches

It preaches

For this will unleash the woman you are

Shall you sink?

Or will you raise the bar?

 

 

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑