I watched the movie Noah today and I wasn’t impressed. Why may you ask? The reason is because I was hoping the story would be along the lines of the biblical account more so than someone’s interpretation. The beginning was a little far fetched and as it went on I thought it lacked direction and missed the true meaning behind the story. I would like to mention that scientists do agree that a great flood took place and the Bible’s account accurately coincides with this. I didn’t care for the gigantic rock people who were depicted as fallen angels whom hit the earth and mashed into hard molten rock as their punishment. Why put that in there? It was fallen angels that had sex with human women and produced a generation of giants known as Nephlium. They did not help Noah build the ark, Noah and his three sons did over a period of 100 years. Noah witnessed continuously to people about the fate that awaits them and the opportunity for those willing to listen to gain salvation. I wished the movie brought that out and showed Noah forewarning them about the upcoming destruction. Until the ark’s doors closed people still had a chance to be saved. I thought it was ignorant to show that wicked king gained access to the ark and actually lived there for some time while his middle son kept him hidden. According to the movie Noah thought the earth was to be given to the animals, that his sons were going to be the last of mankind to walk the earth. He was going to make sure of that by killing his grandchild. In the end he did not kill them but it shows that Noah had to readjust his thinking! God did NOT tell him or give him a vision to think such a thing. Noah border line became a fanatic. The middle son character said, “father, you were chosen because of your righteousness.” The movie Noah said, “No, I was chosen because I would complete the task.” The Biblical Noah was a man of righteousness but more so a man of obedience. The real Noah did love God and had proper fear of him that churned obedience. The movie depicted Noah being violent and killing individuals, that is not the case of the Biblical account. The one thing that caught my heart was one of the “rock” fallen angels that was protecting the ark from intruders trying to overtake the ark once it began to rain asked for one thing as he was dying- “creator please forgive me.” The light opened back up and he ascended back to heaven. I wonder about that but it’s only up to God when that time comes… I’m not saying the movie was bad but I was looking for inspiration. I wanted it to show a man of great character, lover of righteousness, a man of obedience, a man that showed salvation for those who were willing to believe, and a man that built an ark while being ridiculed and laughed at by everyone that thought he was crazy. It is what it is.
I pray for soundness of mind. This has been weighing on my mind all morning and I must write about it. To be in sound in mind is to remain close to God and allow him to direct my steps. Decisions are involved in accomplishing this, choices that benefit me. I would like to take this a step further and have soundness in mind with regards of representing Jehovah God. I pray to fully make that transformation and to always and forever give him the honor as the Most High. Although I may stumble and fall short of his undeserved kindness I plead for him to keep me in mind as I walk through my trials and tribulations. May his holy spirit be with me and shed the light on the path I should take, for in due season my choices will either make me or break me. I hunger for peace, tranquility, and the soundness of mind. Confusion will no longer be at the forefront and I long for the day my mind can rest. For today, this moment, I try to make strides to make decisions that not only benefit me but also benefit the people around me. I’ve come a long way from the old life I used to live and I will without let up continue to seek that life. Along the way I wish to help all those that are experiencing trial-some situations, to reach out to them and offer my hand, friendship, and knowledge on how to hang on and not give up. With God’s mercy I will always get up, get dressed, and show up.
Forgive me because I am truly sorry. The day I left I had no idea that I would not see you again. Shall I be honest? The main reason I left is because I didn’t want you to think that I was clingy. I felt you were the one and I didn’t want to leave, but on the other hand I didn’t want to over stay my welcome. Although still being confused, lost, frightened, and heart broken I was needy at the time. I didn’t want you to look at me as needy. I wish I didn’t leave like that. It had nothing to do with you, it was me. I was not confused about you, I was confused about me. I had nothing to offer you. My life was turned upside down and I was left dangling there out of breath and scared. They say not to regret things but that is one I will always regret. I wanted it too much that I would have overwhelmed you. I keep going over in my mind if I would have done things differently the outcome would be different now. I want you to be happy and I pray that you are. I do love you and I mean that. Just tell me that you are happy and I will be okay. Wherever life takes you don’t forget about me because I will never forget about you. I think of you everyday and look for you everywhere I go. I want to thank you and I want you to forgive me. My love for you will always remain in my heart where nobody can take it away, not even you. If I can’t be by your side then allow me to be in your heart. I still want you.
So, you feel you’re not good enough. Maybe you’re not smart enough or you could be prettier. Most likely someone has made you feel that way. I’ve been there and it’s an ugly feeling. I felt frail and expendable. It’s a terrible feeling not to be important to someone especially if it’s a person you love. A slap in the face is a moderate explanation. I felt I got punched in the gut, grasping for air. It brought down my self esteem. I did everything to look prettier. I dressed the way I thought he would like. I bought jewelry, make-up, and shoes. Don’t forget the shoes. It had to be a particular style. I didn’t argue and I allowed him to do everything his precious heart desired. It was like walking on egg shells. In the meantime I was losing myself. I was placing importance on the outside instead of the inside. The woman I was and was meant to be was dying. I couldn’t see her anymore. I was devastated beyond belief. I wasn’t good enough. I tried everything I knew to be accepted, to be loved. I kept the house clean, took care of him, and tried to be a family. Nothing seem to work. I finally left. For a long time I thought to myself that I should have done this or that. I realize today as I sit here that it wasn’t me, it was him. What kind of person purposely does that to another human being? The problem lies with him or anyone else that is capable of acting in such a ruthless manner. But I overcame it.
Once I let go there was this burden lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe. I could see the beauty in the sky with the sun smiling at me. When I left the blinders came off and the world opened up. One fall day shattered everything that I considered real and normal. I didn’t have to be reminded daily that I didn’t live up to someone else’s standards. God drew me in and rectified my self esteem and my self worth. He loved me and gave me the courage to carry on. It felt great! I could be myself. I can laugh and be silly. I can express myself without the fear of being ridiculed. I do the things that my heart has always wanted to do. I pursue happiness and the gift of life. Yes, the gift of life. The feeling of life being a curse has swept over and filtered out through my heart. I began to look at life as a gigantic ocean wanting to ride the waves. My dreams are clear and I get to let my imagination run like an untamed horse. Letting go gave me freedom. I could be me. God loved me for who I was and what I stand for. I’m strong today. Looks are not everything, it’s about the heart and the actions that flow from it. The best part of letting go was that God found a man that loves me for me. To be honest I didn’t think it was possible. He loves me just the way I am. I’m a witness to how great God’s love is and the blessings that I experience everyday. I no longer will let someone have that type of control over me and I will never give up my dignity again, not for one single soul. This is my silly self today and I will ALWAYS get up, get dressed, and show up!
What in tarnation is the media doing to me? It’s enough that I feel conscious about turning 40 let alone them rubbing all these ads in my face about how I need this anti-aging cream or all these serums that come from some tree deep in the Amazon forest where no man has been. My favorite is when these companies make the statement “this will infuriate doctors.” No it doesn’t. They’re sitting in their offices collecting money from those who want quick and more noticeable results. I see slogans that say “she is 47 and looks 35”, what is wrong with 47? The difference in age is not that far. Being in your 40’s is not old. I must admit I have fell for this mindset the media promotes and have bought creams to “prevent” fine lines. I feel that society wants to put me in a nursing home before my time is up. Okay, that might be a bit dramatic but come on, I don’t look much different than I did five years ago. What the heck is these so called tennis shoes that are made for women over 40? What are they trying to say? That my feet need specialized shoes. My feet work fine and get me where I need to go. No, I refuse to buy shoes for women over 40, I will buy whatever I think is cute. How about all the crazed diets and exercise programs especially made for people in their 40’s? First, you can’t lump everybody in the same category as “everyone” over 40. I completely understand that your metabolism slows as you age but quit overeating. I don’t care if your 18 or 40, lay off the Big Mac, chips, and cookies. Get your rear in gear and exercise. I can and will do the same exercises as the 20 or 30 years old. There is no need to create a special program for people in their 40’s to make them feel loved. We’re not old but we are grown. Sadly, I’ve seen a couple ads targeting people in their mid 30’s. Yep, now it’s 35 and over. Before you know it being 18 will be considered a “special” group that needs magical serums and weird looking shoes to make them feel that society cares about them. Now that I have expressed myself I need to go put my depends on, take out my dentures and hearing aid, and make plans to play bridge with my friends tomorrow.
The sun has risen on a warm July day. A beautiful day to head down the road for a relaxing day at the beach. The kids are anxious because summertime is their favorite and the beach is the playground to be at. You pull out the flip flops, not the good ones, but the beach flip flops. The lounge chairs and the cooler are already packed away in the car. Sun screen, inflatables ,tanning lotion, beach towels are in your Vera Wang bag. Last thing to do before leaving is gathering up the kids to put their bathing suits on. Of course this is a chore because they won’t stand still and their excitement has them running, and you, in circles. The car is loaded up and as you are about to pull out you forgot to grab your Vera Wang sun glasses. As you run in and run out you stop to make sure you are not forgetting anything. Nope, so down the road you go.
At last you’re at the beach. The kids are running ahead of you giggling with glee. The sight of the water softens your soul and relaxation immerses into all your thoughts. Memories of childhood floods your mind with fun times you’ve had with family from the times before. Ahh, nothing like the beach will ever do. The kids are in the water splashing each other, their sand buckets full of sand being prepared to make a sand castle for you. Laying on the beach towel brings comfort and a sense of connection to the world. The sand is between your toes inching up to cover your feet. For some reason the sand seems to feel extra soft today, maybe your feet are tired and the texture is soothing. The sun is radiating and the warmth has created a blanket of goosebumps onto your skin. Your skin is filled with joy that travels up to your mind. Your whole being is now engulfed with a feeling of content. Time is of the essence and the sun will start to cool down, it’s time for the dip in the water. The water feels refreshing as it wipes all the stress and worries away. Your mind is blank with no thoughts of what tomorrow will bring, Living right in the moment and the happiness you feel is enough to last you for a while. Reminding yourself that it doesn’t get better than this is the reason why you dream of the beach in the winter time.
The sun has set and it’s time go home. The kids are worn out and you feel sleepy yourself. The day has been a blessing. Sadness creeps in because you don’t want to leave. That is okay because the lake will be there tomorrow and there are plenty of days left to re-visit your little paradise. Next time bring your friend Dawn because she also needs a day at the beach to release all that binds her.