As the sun sets outside my tiny humble bedroom, I begin to reflect on the year 2014. For some reason I become anxious when the new year approaches. Maybe, it’s because of the unknown. Although, I feel deep down inside it’s because I create all these expectations for myself. Belief in the new year will reign in all these new opportunities gets me excited and hopeful. Once January comes and passes I realize, “nope, it’s still the same.” Then I become adamant, targeting everything I feel is wrong with my life. Talk about building up pressure, only to be let down and discouraged. Sitting around waiting for something to happen will no longer be attached to one of the things that I do in 2015. I have no idea if this year will be different, but I do know that I must do something different.
OUT with any type of New Year’s resolution. Not doing it. I have no expectations and no goals. The to-do list is in the garbage along with last year’s resolutions. One may ask, “what are you going to do, Dawn?” That’s a fine question. I’ve took it upon myself to go with the flow. Hold on! Yes, I will be riding the waves of life, but I will have a plan. Not one particular goal, but an overall idea of a few things I want to ‘work’ on. Fortunately, as I sit here, I’m beginning to engage with my new-found plan. I’m ‘working’ on my perception of reality. The reality is; that God is our only hope, and everything else is given to me by Him. If He don’t giveth, I don’t taketh(within reason, of course). I’m referring to the big decisions in my life. I realize that I must do the foot work to get the necessities I need. He didn’t say be lazy, Dawn.
Another aspect of my life I will be working on of course is-WRITING! I haven’t quite found my niche in writing. Oh, but I definitely will. Time will unfold that. No worries there. I will continue to brush up on my grammar and punctuation. Widening my vocabulary by doing more reading will be at the top of my plan. There is no set date or time to accomplish these things. Taking it day by day sounds more reasonable for me. If I have what it takes to write a book, then I will work towards that. Good writing cannot be rushed.
No more sitting back and no more rushing…if that makes any sense? I’m going to be thorough in everything I do. Lazy Dawn season has ended, good riddens! Seek out opportunities is my new train of thought, might not be tomorrow or the next day, but it will arrive. I will not go out as much. Scrabbling for change is unbecoming. I swear I have a hole in my pocket. Of course I will work on eating properly and exercising. I’m not going to fret because I didn’t make it to the gym. I will do the best I can. Between work and school I will make more time for family and friends. Mentally, I plan on changing up my routine by throwing a wrench in there to break things up. A variety is the spice of life. Those words are truer than true.
In the end, I want to be happy in 2015. With that being said I welcome 2015 with open arms, love, passion, understanding, laughter, and NO RESOLUTION…just an outline.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Secret Santa.”
Why are they beating him? Why do they continuously mock him, and pour their disgust of what he is into the streets? His tattered shirt blood stained from instruments used to rip his skin. Finding no fault in this beautiful person, they persecute him to no end. Only kindness and love flowed from the perfect lips of a man sent to us to free us from sin and death. He carried a weight upon his shoulders to carry out all the things his Father ordained him to. Yet, he was hated and ridiculed. He spoke the truth but was denied freedom. Ultimately, he was preparing people for the things to come. He WAS the greatest man who ever lived!
My gift would be to my children. The gift would to be able to see Jesus the way I do. A man steadfast in his love for others, and unbreakable in his beliefs of the Most High. Withstanding torture, loneliness, grief, anxiety, and anger he did not waver in doing the right thing. He stood alone in front of kings and judges. Crowds gathered around only to make fun of him. Lies about him were told out of fear from the ones making false accusations. There he was…standing by himself. Although being perfect, he felt human emotions and pain. I could only imagine what was going through his mind. I want my children to see that Jesus was not truly alone. He had God’s backing and support. Everything he went through set the example for us today. He stood firm until his death. To my children, unwrap the gift of peace, understanding, and everlasting life through the life Jesus lived, and in the end the life he gave up for us.
Humans are inherently designed to love others more than themselves. That is my belief. I see this all too often in mothers and fathers. There are cases in which spouses will give their life up for the other. Does that mean that their love for another exceeds their love for oneself? Yes and no. My subconscious mind has debated this topic for some time.
I realize that everyone is wired differently. Personality traits, hereditary traits, lifestyle, and the outcome of a person’s upbringing can contribute to how a person is, and who they become. But, there are certain people who are selfless. I believe there are two different types of selfless people in the world. The first group are those who act that way unknowingly. They cannot help it, it’s in their natural. The second group are those who mindfully act that way… which is great! These are the people who make an effort to do things that benefit others rather than reaping the benefits themselves. Seeing the fruit of their actions can be a driving force that fuels their generosity.
Reading post after post on, “how you cannot love others, if you don’t love yourself” doesn’t sit well with me. Selfless people have the tendency to care about others more than themselves. That IS their joy! That IS what makes them happy. WE see these people daily. Police officers, firemen, doctors, rescue teams, etc. In essence, they do love people more, otherwise they would not risk their own lives. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t value and care for yourself. Of course you should! Without self preservation you cannot rightfully tend to other people. Distinct differences on how much we love ourselves and how much we love others is a personal choice, no right or wrong answer.
Sometimes when we cannot love ourselves, it is the love for others that keeps us going. How many times has that happened? More times then anybody wants to admit. Loving someone else more than yourself is one of the greatest gifts you could possibly give. Maybe people who posts things like this should re-phrase it and use the word “like” yourself. Most people are critical of themselves, and can honestly admit that they don’t “love” themselves. BUT, they will admit to loving other people. What takes you farther IS the love you have for other people. Please, don’t tell me if I cannot love myself, I cannot love another. I have unknowingly proved this theory wrong time and time again. Just a little note on how I feel. Oh, by the way…I do value and care for myself. I’m a work in progress.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Ready, Set, Done!.”
I have only 10 minutes to write, I believe this post will be out of sight. I don’t know what to say…UGH! I’m feeling nervous looking at the timer. Okay, here goes. I applied for ANOTHER position with my place of employment. I can’t seem to catch a break with these jobs that are buzzing around my head, actually they are posted in my break room. Nonetheless, it’s in my face. I wonder if they don’t like me? I wear deodorant everyday so I know I don’t smell. I smile when I don’t want to. What can it be? Why are they overlooking me? I’m quiet and reserved. The perfect attendance was awarded to ME! Ok-ok it was only for a month but it’s my story and tell it like it was the grandest of all awards. My education and experience speaks for itself right on my…resume of course. Push the buttons, go over the top, and walk in like a boss says my little backward introverted voice.
Balance is a key in wanting anything. Wanting everything puts you in a position to be let down. Wanting nothing makes you feel obsolete and nothing matters. Wanting is merely a goal in disguise.
Wanting nothing is a waste of energy within you. If you want nothing, you do nothing. Throughout life people set goals. Some of these goals can be personal, financial, or material possessions. If you fail to continuously reach for something you want, life becomes meaningless. You fail to grow and experience the pleasures life can give you. That doesn’t mean that just because you don’t want a new house or car that you are labeled being bleak with no future. I will use myself as an example. I do not want material things as much as I want peace in my life. Thriving to grow spiritually and emotionally is a goal(want) for me. Now that I want something, I begin to see a different side of the world. My want has heightened my perception of the world and brought me gratification. Evolving as a person is priceless and no monetary donations can substitute that. Life can be wonderful when you want something. Underneath the surface of a goal lies experience and the foundation of the future you want.
Wanting everything is a sign that you are lacking somewhere in your life. People often place happiness with material possessions or “having it all.” The lack of things could be inner peace, happiness, fulfillment in some area, and love. When you chase everything, you lose focus. Anxiousness, fear, and disappointments are associated with wanting too much. There is nothing wrong with having nice things, but let there be balance with those desires. It’s true that we all need to make money to live, but be satisfied with what you have. We came into this world with the opportunity to make a difference. We didn’t come into this world with nothing nor everything…but we entered it with ‘something.’
The world is not Burger King, you can’t always have it your way.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Feeling Fancy.”
It would be a glorious day for sure! The morning would begin with a cup of coffee as usual and a quick phone call to the homeless shelter. My goal will be to determine what a few deserving families need to get back up on their feet. Whether it would be material possessions or opportunities to lessen their struggles to achieve a life they deserve. After the initial phone call, I will take a leap of faith and head over to the shelter in hopes to make a difference. I will sit down with these families one on one to better understand their plight, and together come up with a solution to better themselves. Upon agreeing to something that would best fit their circumstances, I will donate everything they would need to succeed. If it is a new car to travel back and forth to work, they will get a new car. Clothes, a house, and necessities will be provided. Their wish will be my command. I won’t forget toys for the children, either.
Later in the afternoon, I will buy myself a new pair of boots and get my nails done. I will call my family and friends up and invite them to a feast! All expenses paid. The menu will be full of endless options, everything their hearts would desire will be at their fingertips. Reminiscing and laughter will also be included in the menu. Once their bellies are full, I will hand each family member and friend a golden envelope. With their eyes bulging and a look of disbelief on their faces, I will urge them to go ahead and open it. Inside the envelope they will find a check to do absolutely everything and anything they want. Following that moment, I would announce that we all will be taking a much needed vacation. Hugs will be exchanged, and I will walk away with a full heart. I do believe that I will have a permanent smile on my face that will not be easily removed.
In the evening before midnight strikes, I will put on my best outfit, do my hair and makeup, and cover my feet with my new boots. As I pull out my ticket to the newest Broadway show, my heart begins to pound with excitement. Upon arriving at the theater, a man in a tuxedo hands me a rose. Fancy me! In return, I hand him my ticket and he persuades me to follow him. Drifting through the crowd of ladies and gentlemen, I see the entrance to the place where it all happens. The kind sir leads me to my seat. Next to me is an older couple, my guess by the way they smile at me that this is not their first show. I feel like a kid in a candy shop! Holding my rose in my lap, the show begins. My tears, laughter, and shock resonates through the whole show and is released into the atmosphere. The play comes to an end, and I find myself standing and screaming, “bravo.” The clapping of my hands are so loud that everyone turns and stares at me. This is awkward. Come to find out, I have to wait for the cast to enter the stage and take their bows before I give them a standing ovation. Oops. Anyways, after being completely embarrassed and getting ahead of myself, again, my soul is content with gratitude and I prepare for my journey home.
On my way back to my apartment, I asked myself one question; what was the best part of the day? My answer is spending time with my family and friends. Knowing I had a small part in helping their dreams become a reality became the best day ever. It’s 11:30 p.m and I pull into my driveway. I missed my humble home. As I enter my room I turn on my radio. Music fills my thoughts and adds a bonus to the day’s end. I slip on my pajamas and pull back the covers to my bed. Sitting on my bed, I pull my knees up to my face, bow my head, and thank God for having the opportunity to exceed everyone’s expectations for me. Sleep entices me and I begin to close my eyes…with the smile still planted on my face.