In The Toilet

I’ve been struggling in coping with just about everything in my life lately. I’ve lost the hope of having a home, a man I care deeply for, and a job that would allow me to get ahead in life. My footing was slipping and I lost sight of my priorities. My dreams seemed to go right down the toilet! And the toilet is where I found myself! My insecurities and depression saturated my every thought. Day after day I dwelled  in self pity. In my heart I know I tried everything I knew to do, nothing seemed to work. I’m not a bad person. I try to do the right thing and be a kind person who loves to help others. Nothing seemed to matter. My living circumstance is not ideal. Oh! I miss my old place. I miss being in school. I just wanted a family so bad. My heart still aches at the thought…

Sitting here memorizing every step and every word of my life has brought me to this conclusion:

There are things that don’t belong to me. I try to possess these so called dreams and hold onto them for dear life. Life has other plans for me. In reality, none of these things were worth it.”

I will not give up…I just wave goodbye.beautiful face

 

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I Feel Nothing

It’s been some time since I have written in this blog. I suppose I cannot put into words how I feel. Strangely as it may seem, I don’t have anything to say. I don’t want to hold conversations with people…like…no one. Forcing myself to speak is exhausting. I came across a poem this morning summing up what I go through. As terrible as this poem may appear, I find comfort in the way I am. It’s not healthy. Maybe because I know no other way. I wish I could express myself better. Anyways, here is the poem;

Broke